After a hard argument with a close friend, I was angry even after we parted ways

I felt I was told what to do, why, and how…

I have slowly moved away, through a lot of effort, from societal values, religious should and should nots

How could you tell me what I should do without knowing what was raging on within my heart?

Breathing in deeply, and breathing out towards my heart, into the depth of me

In and out… slowly, mindfully

My mind tries to analyze, to justify for myself and then for my friend

Each friend is precious, especially as I get older

Let it flow, my inner voice said, just let the mind go and let whatever comes settle, clarity will follow

A few nights before, I had a dream – I was in a studio, getting ready to sing for an audition, with a song that I have practiced before, and an understanding that I was good at singing

But when it was my turn to perform, I was lost

Looking at the music, it looked familiar, yet I have never seen it before!

As a matter of fact, I don’t sing! I don’t even have a good singing voice!

Scanning the sheet of music, I don’t even know where or when to start

What am I going to do?!

Then I woke up with my heart racing…

The anxiety in the dream carried over to my awake state. It was a severe anxiety

I was going to do something that appeared to be so familiar, well-practiced before

But when I got close to it, it was completely new

The familiarity is there, but then not there…

Gradually it rang a bell to me…

This is what life looks like to me now, at this moment or juncture

or maybe for the rest of my life, or has it always been like this, without me being aware of it?

I have been shedding my old belief systems and inhibitions, wanting to experience life as it comes,
timidly at first, step by step

I have been learning to let go of judgement, my own projection of what I want to see, in order to see
things as they are

In other words, I am learning to see things through a clear lens instead of a colored one

Little by little, as I gain more clarity

I am in an unchartered territory for my existence

When I let go of old belief systems, I let go of comfort zone and perceived sense of security too, of what
was familiar to me

Then everything is new, even though they appear to be familiar…

I have to learn to encounter each situation as it is, not with what I have done in the past through
habitual energy

With this new practice, I find myself turning inward more and more. The discovery of the inner
landscape is intriguing and fascinating – a lot of new, subtle experiences that sometimes felt familiar,
but they are new…

Sometimes anxiety tags along for the ride

I can only tell myself, trust… trust the flow, trust life, trust the energy, enjoy the ride and explore!
So here I am, struggling with the “I am right, he is wrong” concept!

All of a sudden, the landscape changed –

My friend is in my universe. His appearance, his personality is the exterior manifestation of an inner
spirit that resides within him

All the people in my life, they are there, with their own defined forms, in my universe

Like dots of light, spread throughout my world… my family, my friends, the people that I come to know

I feel the comfort with the presence of all that energy, and grateful

We each have our own universes

We exist in other people’s universes to the degree of how much our universes overlapping one another’s

All phenomenon, that can be seen, are manifested forms of the energy residing within

Underneath all the outer forms is the energy that runs through the universe, from the same source as it
is within me.

Same source…

That energy is what is REAL

Like nature offers everything in infinite variations, so does this energy in its manifestation

Realizing this, I gently remind myself:

Please don’t judge… and please don’t tell others what to do… Please be gentle and allowing for myself,
so I may be gentle and allowing for others

Out of respect of that energy, of myself

Out of the understanding that there is an infinite number of variations of each existence

That is What Is. Just as I Am

I am not here to judge, others or myself, but to live…

Let myself be… go with my own intuition, consult my inner voice, and it’ll be ok

All will be ok.

The audition for life will be ok, because there is no standard, other than to live

Live to the degree each being is capable of

For myself, it is up to me to discover, to venture out

Even if I don’t recognize the music, it is ok. It will come to me in due time

The background appears familiar… Maybe I have been there before. But this time it is just so slightly
different, a new experience in the ever-small subtle differences

All will be good. Life carries beauty everywhere

It is up to me to see, to explore

Maybe as my lens get clearer, I can see more different manifestations of that energy, just as they are…

I love my friend just as he is

I love all my family and friends, just as they are

I am thankful….