As I meditate, the force within me, always hovering, hard to be invited out for very long, says to me:

Do something, see someone, arrange some activities, I am bored.

I would be so lonely just being here by myself.

What am I doing? What about being productive?

The whip of the slavedriver comes down.

How do I feel? Am I its prisoner? Conditioned my whole life by the societal, religious, cultural value
systems, use and values, expectations, should or should nots, I bend to its command, every single time…
I ought to be good, I ought to be productive, I ought… on and on. My heart and soul are sad, but
doesn’t matter. When that voice commands, I follow….

Stockholm’s syndrome? Any resemblance to my own inner mental struggle? I want to break free, yet it is
almost impossible. Is it because it has grown to be my comfort zone, no matter how restricted, limited,
even abused by that power? It is so difficult to break free from something I am taught over and over
again, and practiced over and over again.

The urge to reach out to engage someone, a friend, a family, or to just go out, shopping, somewhere,
drives me.

I turn within, all the way, to the child within

She is there, sitting, anxiously looking at me, or looking out, not knowing what to do, no company, no
adult around, emptiness surrounding her. My heart hurts seeing her this way.

I went to her, sat with her. I breath, deeply all the way to the depth of my heart. My energy follows my
breath, coming next to that child. Or is it the energy of the spirit? Of love, of allowing, of being, just
being?

Just staying with her, holding her hand, making my presence known to her.

I am here, I am here with you… It is ok. I love you. It is ok. All is ok…

Energy, through my breath, stays there, grounded, centered, surrounding her.

Little by little, my heart warms,

The child is seen, is satisfied with the company, the light, the love, the energy transfusing into her.

Little my little, she gets stronger.

My anxiety left.

Once again, I am at peace with myself, just myself. With my own elements.

Life to be experienced as a beautiful unfolding of the day, of the people we see, of the things we do.

Although they can be the same thing as any other day, the aura of the spirit makes it more beautiful, a
flow, as natural movement.

Maybe this is what Taoism calls it action through non action. Even though we are doing something,
nothing is forced, or artificial. We are just following the flow of the stream of life, the cosmic energy,
the hidden realm where time and space doesn’t matter, because it is infinite in space and time.

It just is. I just Am, within the energy fields of the universe, of this beautiful earth and all that it nurtures.

I am grateful….